The Eagerness to Help Can Be Selfish

Not everyone possesses the true ability to help others. Lately, I’ve come to a deeper understanding of the saying: “穷则独善其身，达则兼济天下.”

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This phrase not only praises the virtue of caring for others but also carries a gentle warning: if you’re not strong enough yet, don’t rush to save the world. Focus on stabilizing yourself first.

I used to believe that the desire to help others came from kindness. But recently, I’ve realized that it may also come from a subtle form of selfishness — the hope that changing others could somehow affirm my own values or ease my inner conflict. When I try to help but see no improvement, I feel helpless, physically tense, unable to sleep. It’s easy for me to absorb others’ emotions, to carry their burdens as if they were my own.

This has been a painful but necessary lesson: I cannot truly help others, at least not right now. My dreams of making a difference feel distant, but I’ve come to accept that they need a stronger foundation. I need to become more capable, more grounded, only then will I be able to offer genuine support to those around me.

Sometimes, stepping back is not giving up. It’s preparing for something greater. This is a sad story during my PhD journey…

总想着去拯救别人，是病，得治。